Posts Tagged ‘judgment’

Eliminating Expectations

Saturday, July 3rd, 2010

I read an article recently about a researcher, neuroscientist Dr. John Lilly.  He has worked with Dolphins for over 20 years and suggests that the dolphin’s brain waves equate with those waves that, in humans, accompany the meditative state.  This may explain why people who spend some time in the water with dolphins describe the experience as transcendental.

According to Dr. Lilly, by reason of the dolphin’s peaceful, content, and compassionate nature, the dolphin has an energy vibration which exerts a powerful and positive influence on humans.  In order for us to exert a powerful and positive influence with others we need to accept our self and others for who we are and begin to recognize and embrace the beauty that is in all of us.  When we can accomplish this then our nature will become that of peaceful, content, and compassionate.  A person who is inwardly truly happy will make other people feel encouraged just by his or her presence and the stronger the personality, the more influential it will be.

Accepting our self and others for who we are, weaknesses and strengths, means letting go of our expectations.  Expectations can set us up for disappointment and set others up for failure and future blame.  We can’t control what other people choose to say or do.  We can only control our own choices.

How can we eliminate expectations? We can turn them into intentions. Once we have identified our expectations, there is much greater possibility of attaining Freedom from being disappointed in others behavior or reaction to us.  You can learn which expectations are realistic and which ones are unrealistic.  You can learn how to reframe your expectations into intention. Expectations are what you think ought to happen as a result of what you do, say, or plan.  It’s dependent upon an outside source.  Whereas, intentions are your approach to life based on the person you truly are.  Ask yourself these questions:  ”How do I want to show up today?”   “How do I want to be in this moment?”  Then allow your internal beauty and your spiritual essence to determine your choices.  It’s dependent only on you – your internal source of wisdom.

What’s so wonderful is that when you act out of intention instead of expectations, you are more likely to experience positive outcomes.  When you approach life with intention instead of expectations, you expand the possibility for mutual satisfaction and support.  When living in intention, accountability is a priority.  Our life is in our hands, no one else’s.  We learn that blaming another is just wasting away our time, energy, and creativity.  This leads to regret and resentment, which leads to losing our power, our choices, and our courage to shine – our courage to be the person we want to be and the person we were meant to be.

All that you seek or desire is in you. It’s not in your environment or the help of others; it is not in luck or chance; it is in your self alone.  Trusting yourself and setting intentions will support you in moving forward and living the life you desire.

Eliminating expectations is a process of transformation.  Many times it can be uncomfortable and scary so having support from someone you trust is a must. Sometimes it can be a friend or relative, other times you may need someone more experienced in this field of change and transformation.

Your willingness to take the step of investing in your life is well worth what you will receive.  You will begin to deliberately create and attract the people and things that support the quality of life you want and desire.

“Live the Life Your Soul Intended” –Rhonda Britten – author of Fearless Living. “You are not stuck where you are unless you decide to be” –Wayne W. Dyer.   “Do not fear going forward slowly, fear only to stand still” –Chinese Proverb

I would love to hear your comments on “Eliminating Expectations”.  Please leave a comment in the space below.  If you want to receive my newsletter click on “Unlocking Your Vision Newsletter” – left hand side of this page. You can also watch my short “Inspirational Dolphin Movie” – left hand side of this page – and sign up at the end.

Sending You Love and Courage to be the Person You were Meant to BE!

Joyce Henderson


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Posted in Fear, Self-Care | 3 Comments »

Expectations

Monday, November 3rd, 2008

Many people, including myself, have experienced a strong sense of unconditional love through our encounters with dolphins.  These serene experiences suggest that the dolphins seemingly unconditional love triggers the release of pent-up emotions and deep seated feelings trapped inside of us leaving us with a sense of well-being.    

 

Some healers believe that conditional love (expecting something in return) can create exhaustion and depression of the immune system leading to physical vulnerability; whereas unconditional love (without expectations) is a powerful stimulant to the immune system.  If this is so, it is no wonder dolphins appear to be able to help people recover from depression and other illnesses. 

 

Many of us tend to think we give unconditional love but often it is accompanied with expectations.  We expect things to happen a certain way.  Our family and friends are thrown into the struggle as we expect as much from them as we do from ourselves.  And, when we’ve done all we “should” do, “paid our dues” and “gone the extra mile”, we want guaranteed results and to be treated fairly in return.  Disappointment is always around the corner if things don’t turn out the way we expect. 

 

Expectations that are unspoken, unrealistic and unmet can cause us to make choices that can be harmful to us and to those we love.  When we assume others can read our mind and know what we need, want, or desire we are setting them up for failure and for future blame.   It seems easier to blame others rather than look inside of ourselves for answers.  In truth, we are the only one who is responsible for getting our own needs met.  We want to practice communicating our needs, wants, and desires clearly, otherwise, nobody involved has a clear idea of what went wrong.  We simply feel confused and powerless.  But no one is doing anything to us we are reacting to our own fear. 

 

Our expectations don’t make us wrong or stupid.  They make us human.   In most cases we all just want to be understood, respected, and loved and when we don’t feel that way our fear is triggered, things become confused, and we look to others or things to make us feel better.  When we push that responsibility onto others then we have no control because we’ve given our power away.  We have to be willing to take responsibility for our own feelings, our own choices, and that’s where we have the power to change things. 

 

The good news is that once we begin to identify the expectations that trigger our fear, we will be able to take proactive, self affirming actions to help us get back into our freedom of unconditional love and acceptance of our self and others.  Life is a continuous process of change with challenges at every level of growth.  Fear will always come up, but we’ll get better and better at eliminating the kind of expectations that prevent us from outsmarting and mastering our fear. 

 

As we accept that our expectations are a part of being human and as we accept that the feelings of fear, sadness, anger, self judgment, and disappointment will come up then those feelings become much more workable.  We recognize that those feelings are just like the weather – always changing, coming and going through our lives.  And what they pass through is the vast spaciousness of who we truly are.  As we become aware we are able to accept, and embrace those negative feelings, learn from their message, and then let go of any identification with them.  Thus allowing them to visit us temporarily, move through us, and then let them go. 

 

I send you Love and Blessings, Joyce 

 

I would like to hear your views on expectations and how they affect your life.  

 

  

 

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How to Create the Life You Want

Friday, August 22nd, 2008

Self-confidence empowers us to live life fearlessly and happily.  Do I have Self-Confidence?  To answer that question, one could ask: Do I love myself?  Do I trust myself?  Do I believe in myself?  Do I treat myself kindly?  Do I enjoy being me?

The answer comes from our thoughts; those we think about most of the time have become our reality.  Thoughts are the result of beliefs.  At the very core of those beliefs that shape your life, your health, career, relationships, finances, and level of happiness are the thoughts you have about yourself.

Where does self-confidence come from?  It comes from the feedback of others, and from our own internal self-interpretations.  For example, does a child have self-confidence who has never experienced the love, encouragement, and praise from a parent?  Does a comedian have self-confidence who has never made people laugh?  Does an engineer have self-confidence who has never developed a design that works?  Does a lover have self-confidence who has never experienced the joys of intimacy with another?  Our self-confidence comes from the way we interpret our experiences.

Having self-confidence doesn’t mean that we don’t make mistakes.  We all make mistakes and we are all capable of criticizing self, our body, our mate, our career, and our children while neglecting to see those qualities that are attractive.  As we choose to shift our thinking and are able to look at our mistakes as opportunities to learn and grow, self-confidence arises out of what was formerly disapproval and judgment of self and others.

When you have self-confidence you are able to trust yourself and begin to listen to your own inner voice.  You know you are able to rely on your own choices, decisions, and actions.  You have peace of mind regardless of your current circumstances.  You have the ability to reduce the anxiety that is so detrimental to a youthful, healthy life.

Are you willing to recreate yourself to have the life you want?  It’s important to remember that creation takes place in each moment.  It’s a process and requires you to be gentle, patient, and loving to yourself.  It requires you to accept yourself as you are now in order to become the person you want to be.  It requires you to begin choosing your thoughts.  As you continue to create the person you want to be, the new thoughts will become as automatic as the old ones had been.  Though it isn’t easy to create new mental habit patterns, with practice it becomes possible.  Expect that your self-work will give you results, and it will.

I would love to hear from you and any thoughts you have on how our thoughts  affect our self-confidence and our life.   

Warmly, Joyce

Interested in learning more?

Email:  joyce@unlockingyourvision.com Phone:  858-945-4928

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