Posts Tagged ‘Expectations’

Eliminating Expectations

Saturday, July 3rd, 2010

I read an article recently about a researcher, neuroscientist Dr. John Lilly.  He has worked with Dolphins for over 20 years and suggests that the dolphin’s brain waves equate with those waves that, in humans, accompany the meditative state.  This may explain why people who spend some time in the water with dolphins describe the experience as transcendental.

According to Dr. Lilly, by reason of the dolphin’s peaceful, content, and compassionate nature, the dolphin has an energy vibration which exerts a powerful and positive influence on humans.  In order for us to exert a powerful and positive influence with others we need to accept our self and others for who we are and begin to recognize and embrace the beauty that is in all of us.  When we can accomplish this then our nature will become that of peaceful, content, and compassionate.  A person who is inwardly truly happy will make other people feel encouraged just by his or her presence and the stronger the personality, the more influential it will be.

Accepting our self and others for who we are, weaknesses and strengths, means letting go of our expectations.  Expectations can set us up for disappointment and set others up for failure and future blame.  We can’t control what other people choose to say or do.  We can only control our own choices.

How can we eliminate expectations? We can turn them into intentions. Once we have identified our expectations, there is much greater possibility of attaining Freedom from being disappointed in others behavior or reaction to us.  You can learn which expectations are realistic and which ones are unrealistic.  You can learn how to reframe your expectations into intention. Expectations are what you think ought to happen as a result of what you do, say, or plan.  It’s dependent upon an outside source.  Whereas, intentions are your approach to life based on the person you truly are.  Ask yourself these questions:  ”How do I want to show up today?”   “How do I want to be in this moment?”  Then allow your internal beauty and your spiritual essence to determine your choices.  It’s dependent only on you – your internal source of wisdom.

What’s so wonderful is that when you act out of intention instead of expectations, you are more likely to experience positive outcomes.  When you approach life with intention instead of expectations, you expand the possibility for mutual satisfaction and support.  When living in intention, accountability is a priority.  Our life is in our hands, no one else’s.  We learn that blaming another is just wasting away our time, energy, and creativity.  This leads to regret and resentment, which leads to losing our power, our choices, and our courage to shine – our courage to be the person we want to be and the person we were meant to be.

All that you seek or desire is in you. It’s not in your environment or the help of others; it is not in luck or chance; it is in your self alone.  Trusting yourself and setting intentions will support you in moving forward and living the life you desire.

Eliminating expectations is a process of transformation.  Many times it can be uncomfortable and scary so having support from someone you trust is a must. Sometimes it can be a friend or relative, other times you may need someone more experienced in this field of change and transformation.

Your willingness to take the step of investing in your life is well worth what you will receive.  You will begin to deliberately create and attract the people and things that support the quality of life you want and desire.

“Live the Life Your Soul Intended” –Rhonda Britten – author of Fearless Living. “You are not stuck where you are unless you decide to be” –Wayne W. Dyer.   “Do not fear going forward slowly, fear only to stand still” –Chinese Proverb

I would love to hear your comments on “Eliminating Expectations”.  Please leave a comment in the space below.  If you want to receive my newsletter click on “Unlocking Your Vision Newsletter” – left hand side of this page. You can also watch my short “Inspirational Dolphin Movie” – left hand side of this page – and sign up at the end.

Sending You Love and Courage to be the Person You were Meant to BE!

Joyce Henderson


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What is Happiness and How Do You Achieve it?

Thursday, April 1st, 2010

I have learned that my happiness doesn’t depend upon who I am, what I do, or what I have; it depends solely upon what I think.  As I become more aware of my negative and self defeating thoughts I am able to focus and start each day by thinking of all the things I have to be grateful for.  This shifts my focus from thinking about the things I don’t have, a place of unhappiness, to the place of recognizing and appreciating the abundance and gifts that I have in my life now, the place of happiness.

Taking time to meet our own needs may seem selfish to some, but it’s just the opposite, it’s the best gift you can give to yourself. If your not giving yourself the gift of self love and self care then ask yourself why and the answer is most likely fear.  I believe that true happiness comes from within and from our ability to love and care for our own needs.  When fear is in control we make choices that are based on what we think happiness should look like.  When fear is in control we believe that happiness comes from outside of ourself – our circumstances, money, people, and accomplishments.

Fear keeps us in expectations – expecting our happiness to come from outside of ourself instead of from within.  As we recognize and then take responsibility for  our needs getting met and for creating our own happiness miracles begin to happen.  Happiness is our true nature and if we aren’t nurturing ourself first we run out of energy and passion and sadly unhappiness becomes our state of being.

When fear and expectations run our life we have to consciously make the choice to stop, focus, and actually think about what really does make us happy.  Sometimes we need to try new things in order to know what we enjoy or don’t enjoy doing.  Without trying, stepping out and taking risks we will never find out what true happiness means to us and how we can live it everyday. Instead we will  keep looking for happiness outside of our self – through people, things, and places.

I think we can all agree that there is no short cuts to happiness.  Even a happy person does not experience joy/happiness 24 hours a day.  A happy person can have a bad day but still experience pleasure in the small things in life.  If you’re not feeling happy today, step back, choose to consciously see the things in your life you do have to appreciate and focus on gratitude.  Write daily gratitudes to support you in recognizing and embracing your true state of being happy.  Begin to notice when you are in a state of happiness and note the feeling and think about what thought or action created it.

Something that has helped me is to practice daily never saying or doing anything that disempowers myself or others.  No matter what the challenge, there is always a way to approach it in a way that can empower all concerned.  In this way you can find the perfect solution.  Our thoughts can either disempower us or empower us – choose the good ones.

Don’t postpone happiness until you reach a certain goal, like getting a promotion, retiring, taking that perfect vacation, communicating better, or having the great relationship – these things are short lived.  Consciously choose to take the time to focus everyday – to recognize the good things in your life and what you do have control over.

There is no rule or special formula that can make a person constantly happy. Instead, Happiness comes from developing positive thoughts and behaviors that lead to fulfilling social relationships, enjoyable work, better communication, and in taking great care of our mental, spiritual, emotional, and physical needs.  We gain a sense that our life really does have meaning, it does matter, and that we are an integral part of the wholeness of our Universe.

Take the time today to focus, meditate, listen, acknowledge yourself- your small wins and victories, and consciously choose to recognize what you do have to be grateful for.  Be thankful for what you do have now, embrace it, only then can you create the happiness and life that you desire.  This is an essential component of happiness.

You are worthy and deserve nothing less than to be in your natural state of being happy.

Warmly, Joyce

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You Decide if You Want to be Happy

Wednesday, March 17th, 2010

You Decide if You Want to be Happy is something that I believed yet was confused by the fact that I allowed my circumstances to constantly get in the way of my being happy?  Circumstances that triggered fear; fear of not being lovable, not being good enough, and not being smart enough.  As I continued to allow the circumstances of my life to trigger the fear, my happiness became less and less, and unhappiness became my “state of being”.  Not because I chose it but because I didn’t understand how to stop it.  Fear was in control of my life.  In that state of being my feelings lied to me, my thoughts betrayed me as I rationalized and made excuses, and my actions became self destructive.

We all strive for Happiness in life.  Like many, I thought that achievements such as material things, money, the perfect marriage, education, family, a certain job, and financial/social status would make me happy, otherwise I must be less than everyone else.   Through my own pursuit of happiness I have learned that these achievements have little to do with my happiness or with my value as a person.  As I continued to live with my expectations of what happiness should look like it seemed to further escape my mental grasp and became even harder for me to express or define.

Happiness that came from my achievements, possessions, people, or temporary pleasures worked for awhile but eventually their power to deliver happiness faded.  The only lasting happiness comes from within each of us.  Sounds simple yet not easy to understand or do.

Life does throw us some uncomfortable and sometimes painful circumstances.  But as we begin to recognize that in these circumstances our life is continually sprinkled with ample opportunities for discovering happiness.  Circumstances provide us with opportunities to recognize how fear controls our life and our choices.  With this awareness we can then begin to make better choices to create the happiness that we want.  We begin to notice the little things.  A laugh, a smile, time with family and friends, time with yourself, giving or receiving a word of encouragement, a compliment, the joy that children, animals, and nature bring to us.  These are the treasures that enhance our happiness, not some grand achievement that only give us a lift for a short while.

I’ve learned that focusing on the present, accepting the life I have now, consciously recognizing the things I do have in my life to be grateful for, appreciating brief moments, small miracles, and choosing to recognize and acknowledge my little victories are the keys that move me towards my happiness.

People don’t choose to be unhappy, yet they don’t think they have a choice.  I didn’t believe that I picked that state of being, but I did believe that my unhappiness was a result of being wronged, feeling unworthy, less fortunate, and that I didn’t have control over this outcome.  I did acknowledge that something did happen to cause the feeling of unhappiness but the issue was that I had a choice in how I responded to what happened.  I could decide to stay unhappy or I could decide to accept that something did happen, feel it, allow myself to be in it, then make the decision to move on and allow myself to be happy.  I had to make that choice for myself.  When I understood that I actually could choose to be happy or unhappy, and that I deserve and have a right to be happy, it began to change my life.

When we are not experiencing happiness, the brilliance of our heart and mind, the essence of who we are is hidden under clouds of negative thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.  The concepts and tools that I teach in Fearless Living empowered me, not only in reducing the cloud cover but guided me to understand and embrace my true nature of being happy.  Fearless Living helps you to understand the complete freedom you have in choosing happiness and that you deserve nothing less.

We do have the power to control whether we feel happy or not.

Warmly, Joyce


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Limiting Beliefs

Monday, May 4th, 2009

What do you believe about yourself?  Do you think it’s too late to change?  Do you think that you are less talented, less creative, or less intelligent than others?  Do you think it’s too late to travel, take an art class, start a business, or make new friends?  Do you think that your health keeps you from doing what you want?  Do all of these thoughts wear you out and drain your energy?


All of these thoughts keep you stuck in your limited comfort zone.  We may not be happy there, but it is familiar to us so it feels safe. Growth and change simply will not happen inside of our comfort zone.  We have to face our fear and begin to look for opportunities to step out of our comfort zone just a little beyond the safe and familiar.

All of us have beliefs and opinions about ourselves – who we are, our likes and dislikes, our capabilities and limitations.  We sometimes look at possible experiences – travel, events, projects, jobs, creative classes, exercise – and think we know what we’ll enjoy or not enjoy, what will feel good to us and what won’t feel good, and how we will react to people and places. Have you ever thought that maybe these beliefs aren’t even true and possibly you’ve made them up?

None of us know what an experience will be like until we are in it.  And even if we’ve had an experience before it may be a different experience three years later.  We will be a different person in three, five, or ten years and we will have a completely different experience based on who we are right now.

Our subconscious mind – our ego wants us to believe limited beliefs and thoughts about ourself.  It is deeply invested in its self perception.  If we believe what the ego tells us, we will stay within its self-perception and become more and more entrenched in who we think we are.  Our comfort zone will not only stay the same, it may shrink as we become more and more convinced of ourselves as limited beings.

The fact is we don’t know who we truly are.  We are not limited beings. We are devine beings and we have a spiritual resource – our intuition – that can help us shift our perception about ourselves.

When we connect with our intuition we recognize that it’s okay to not truly know anything about ourselves and that it’s a good thing.  We can then approach our life with curiosity and excitement.  We can let go of expectations and judgment.  We can let go of attachment and embrace constant self-discovery.  We can simply be with what is, and constantly delight in discovering who we are right now, knowing that next week, we may be completely different.  We can choose to let go of fear and embrace life to the fullest.

What steps can you take outside of your comfort zone this week?  What could happen if you did?  When was the last time you surprised yourself?  Take ten minutes every day to visualize what it could look like to step out of your comfort zone and dare to do something you never thought possible. How could it change your life?

If you take this challenge I would love to hear from you about your experience.

Sending you love, good health, and protection.

Warmly, Joyce

Joyce Henderson
Certified Fearless Living Coach
Certified Life Purpose and Career Coach
www.unlockingyourvision.com
www.thedolphinmovie.com
joyce@unlockingyourvision.com
678-380-7361

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Being Open to the Holidays

Tuesday, December 2nd, 2008
How can we achieve “Being Open to the Holidays”?  We all have different expectations and different reasons to celebrate the holiday season; such as religion, family and friends, presents, decorations, parties, food, or giving to those less fortunate.  As I was thinking about the many different reasons for this holiday season and how we can be open to these experiences I thought of two questions:  “What is the joy of simply being open to life?  “How can I accomplish this as I prepare for the holidays and on Christmas Day?”  As these questions are answered you will gain insight and understanding which will allow you the ability to create and make this holiday season the best ever and then continue to apply these principles in the coming New Year.   

 

For me the joy of simply being open to life is being open to the challenges that are presented to me each and every day.  The joy is in choosing to look at these experiences as opportunities to learn more about myself, about others, and about life.  The joy is in the insights and awareness’s I receive which supports me in looking at life with love and acceptance.  This creates more joy. 

 

Joy is created as we accept our self and others for who we are – weaknesses and strengths.  We can only do this when we choose to let go of our expectations.  Expectations can set us up for disappointment.  We can’t control what other people choose to say or do.  We can only control our own choices.  Begin to recognize words that tell you your in expectations – I should, I have to, I need to, I’m expected to – and instead ask yourself, “Do I want to do this?” 

 

Recognizing whether you are doing something because you want to or because of expectations will support you in how you approach the decision you do make and then how you follow through – either with joy or dread.  If you feel “dread” then expectations are in play.  If you choose to do something that you dread, take time to think about it and choose to become aware of why you feel that way.  Then you can begin looking for the positive reasons why you are choosing to do something instead of feeling you have too.  Remember, you are in control of making the choice, and because of that you are in control of either making it a dreadful experience or a joyful experience. 
 
For some of us this will take daily focus on taking responsibility for all of our choices.  Everything we do is a choice.  If you choose to take a risk and not do something that is expected of you look at it as an opportunity to practice saying “NO”.  Saying “No” and choosing “You” is okay!!  You don’t have to make excuses and you don’t have to blame yourself or someone else for the choice that you make. 

 

How can we let go of our expectations as we prepare for Christmas Day – by turning them into Intentions?  Once we have identified our expectations, there is a much greater possibility of attaining freedom from being disappointed in others behavior and their reaction to us, and in being disappointed in our self.  You can learn how to reframe your expectations into Intention.  Expectations are what you think ought to happen as a result of what you do, say, or plan.  It’s dependant upon an outside source.  Whereas, Intentions are your approach to life based on the person you truly are – your essence.  It’s dependant only on you – your internal source. When you are focused on your Intention you become focused in the present and you become open to life around you. 

 

What’s so wonderful is that when you act out of Intention instead of expectations, you begin to experience the joy of being open to life and you expand the possibility for more positive outcomes.  When you live in Intention you are able to find your courage and make the choices that support the person you are truly meant to be.  Setting an intention can support you in having your best holiday season ever.  Take the time to visualize what it is that you want to happen this holiday season.  Ask yourself these questions; how do I want to show up and how can I create my best holiday season ever?   

 

Gratitude’s are also valuable in supporting your intention and turning your holiday experience into something good that will help not only you but other people as well.  Gratitude’s help you to recognize all that is right and beautiful in your life and in your day.  Gratitude’s help you to acknowledge your fine qualities, abilities, and accomplishments.  Gratitude’s support you in spending your time and energy in the moment rather than trying to understand the why.  When you are in a state of Gratitude you allow your peaceful voice of intuition to become your primary guiding force.

 

Gratitude’s do more than make you feel good for awhile, they literally change the way you think.  Gratitude’s shift your focus so that you are aware of what you have instead of what you don’t have.  When you make Gratitude’s an important part of your day this holiday season, you will increase your ability to see opportunities and possibilities where perhaps none existed before. 

 

As Christmas Day approaches make a list of all the people and things in your life that you are grateful for.  Try to put aside any dread, anger, resentment, or disappointment and focus on creating good thoughts.  Think about the opportunities and possibilities that are available to you on that day.  Set an intention around how you want to show up on Christmas Day.  Become clear in your mind as to what you want to experience and what will support you in achieving that goal.  Setting an intention, being grateful, looking for opportunities and possibilities, and being clear on what it is that you want will help you to focus on the present moment and enjoy what is happening now. 

 

I wish you the best Holiday Season ever!!!

 

Blessings, Joyce

 

I would enjoy hearing your comments on what “Being Open to the Holidays” means to you…

 

 

Joyce Henderson

Certified Fearless Living Coach

Certified Life Purpose and Career Coach

joyce@unlockingyourvision.com

JoyceHenderson@FearlessLiving.org

www.unlockingyourvision.com

www.thedolphinmovie.com

858 945-4928 cell/work

858 486-4928 home

858 486-6407 fax

 

 

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Expectations

Monday, November 3rd, 2008

Many people, including myself, have experienced a strong sense of unconditional love through our encounters with dolphins.  These serene experiences suggest that the dolphins seemingly unconditional love triggers the release of pent-up emotions and deep seated feelings trapped inside of us leaving us with a sense of well-being.    

 

Some healers believe that conditional love (expecting something in return) can create exhaustion and depression of the immune system leading to physical vulnerability; whereas unconditional love (without expectations) is a powerful stimulant to the immune system.  If this is so, it is no wonder dolphins appear to be able to help people recover from depression and other illnesses. 

 

Many of us tend to think we give unconditional love but often it is accompanied with expectations.  We expect things to happen a certain way.  Our family and friends are thrown into the struggle as we expect as much from them as we do from ourselves.  And, when we’ve done all we “should” do, “paid our dues” and “gone the extra mile”, we want guaranteed results and to be treated fairly in return.  Disappointment is always around the corner if things don’t turn out the way we expect. 

 

Expectations that are unspoken, unrealistic and unmet can cause us to make choices that can be harmful to us and to those we love.  When we assume others can read our mind and know what we need, want, or desire we are setting them up for failure and for future blame.   It seems easier to blame others rather than look inside of ourselves for answers.  In truth, we are the only one who is responsible for getting our own needs met.  We want to practice communicating our needs, wants, and desires clearly, otherwise, nobody involved has a clear idea of what went wrong.  We simply feel confused and powerless.  But no one is doing anything to us we are reacting to our own fear. 

 

Our expectations don’t make us wrong or stupid.  They make us human.   In most cases we all just want to be understood, respected, and loved and when we don’t feel that way our fear is triggered, things become confused, and we look to others or things to make us feel better.  When we push that responsibility onto others then we have no control because we’ve given our power away.  We have to be willing to take responsibility for our own feelings, our own choices, and that’s where we have the power to change things. 

 

The good news is that once we begin to identify the expectations that trigger our fear, we will be able to take proactive, self affirming actions to help us get back into our freedom of unconditional love and acceptance of our self and others.  Life is a continuous process of change with challenges at every level of growth.  Fear will always come up, but we’ll get better and better at eliminating the kind of expectations that prevent us from outsmarting and mastering our fear. 

 

As we accept that our expectations are a part of being human and as we accept that the feelings of fear, sadness, anger, self judgment, and disappointment will come up then those feelings become much more workable.  We recognize that those feelings are just like the weather – always changing, coming and going through our lives.  And what they pass through is the vast spaciousness of who we truly are.  As we become aware we are able to accept, and embrace those negative feelings, learn from their message, and then let go of any identification with them.  Thus allowing them to visit us temporarily, move through us, and then let them go. 

 

I send you Love and Blessings, Joyce 

 

I would like to hear your views on expectations and how they affect your life.  

 

  

 

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Are You Voting on November 4th?

Tuesday, October 7th, 2008

We are all living, whether we like to admit it or not, in turbulent times right now.  We are consumed with fear and our faith is being tested.  Everyday I wakeup with the intention to think positively, focus on the good but even with the best intentions I sometimes find myself failing miserably.  But, instead of beating myself up, complaining, making excuses, or avoiding the situation, I ask myself. “what is the gift in all of this mess?” In order to find the gift we must look for it and ask ourselves ”what is right during these challenging times and what is it that we can learn?” 

 

Don’t let fear keep you stuck by complaining, making excuses, or ignoring the situation.  This is an opportunity to be a part of the change that is needed in helping our country move forward and thrive.  In order to be a part of this opportunity we have to VOTE on election day, November 4th, 2008.  I’ve included a blog written my Rhonda Britten, founder of Fearless Living Institute and author of “Fearless Living”.  This article expresses my feelings and I hope encourages you to be a part of this time of challenge.

Warmly, Joyce

 

Election – written by Rhonda Britten 

This election, being fearless means you will:
1. Vote
I have spoken to many folks and some are hemming and hawing not sure who to vote for. The next words out of their mouth shock me: I will vote but not for the President. Or I hear: I just don’t know who to vote for so I just won’t vote.WHAT!!!?!?!?!?!
Indecision is a natural part of the process but deciding not to decide IS deciding. If you don’t vote, you are giving the rest of the nation the opportunity to choose your fate. I challenge you to figure out where else in your life you are allowing ‘fate’ to make your decisions for you. This is a passive way to live and not the fearless path.

2. Language
Become aware of the fearbased language the candidates use as well as their fearless words. What issues concern you? Pay attention to how the candidates are proposing to solve them. What is their process? Are they making suggestions based on the fear of the masses? Are they creating long lasting solutions? Listen, listen, listen. Do not let your Wheel of Fear listen for you.

3. Think about your great grandchildren
The challenges we face right now are ones that must be solved for the long-term. Short-term solutions are band-aids. Sometimes we need a band-aid but if we keep the band-aid on too long it gets crusty, infected and ineffective. A band-aid is not a solution. Just like a wound we must let it heal and that takes time and care.

Every election is critical for the creation of the United States of America. We are literally choosing how our nation will develop based on the candidates and their policies.

I urge us all to pay attention to how we listen, how we decide, how we vote.

We will have a new President. Decide to have your voice be heard. Vote.

“Invest in the life you have now to get the life you want”  Rhonda Britten

To learn more about Fearless Living go to:  www.fearlessliving.org 

Courage is a door that can only be opened from the inside.
– Terry Neil

 

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