Posts Tagged ‘disappointment’

Eliminating Expectations

Saturday, July 3rd, 2010

I read an article recently about a researcher, neuroscientist Dr. John Lilly.  He has worked with Dolphins for over 20 years and suggests that the dolphin’s brain waves equate with those waves that, in humans, accompany the meditative state.  This may explain why people who spend some time in the water with dolphins describe the experience as transcendental.

According to Dr. Lilly, by reason of the dolphin’s peaceful, content, and compassionate nature, the dolphin has an energy vibration which exerts a powerful and positive influence on humans.  In order for us to exert a powerful and positive influence with others we need to accept our self and others for who we are and begin to recognize and embrace the beauty that is in all of us.  When we can accomplish this then our nature will become that of peaceful, content, and compassionate.  A person who is inwardly truly happy will make other people feel encouraged just by his or her presence and the stronger the personality, the more influential it will be.

Accepting our self and others for who we are, weaknesses and strengths, means letting go of our expectations.  Expectations can set us up for disappointment and set others up for failure and future blame.  We can’t control what other people choose to say or do.  We can only control our own choices.

How can we eliminate expectations? We can turn them into intentions. Once we have identified our expectations, there is much greater possibility of attaining Freedom from being disappointed in others behavior or reaction to us.  You can learn which expectations are realistic and which ones are unrealistic.  You can learn how to reframe your expectations into intention. Expectations are what you think ought to happen as a result of what you do, say, or plan.  It’s dependent upon an outside source.  Whereas, intentions are your approach to life based on the person you truly are.  Ask yourself these questions:  ”How do I want to show up today?”   “How do I want to be in this moment?”  Then allow your internal beauty and your spiritual essence to determine your choices.  It’s dependent only on you – your internal source of wisdom.

What’s so wonderful is that when you act out of intention instead of expectations, you are more likely to experience positive outcomes.  When you approach life with intention instead of expectations, you expand the possibility for mutual satisfaction and support.  When living in intention, accountability is a priority.  Our life is in our hands, no one else’s.  We learn that blaming another is just wasting away our time, energy, and creativity.  This leads to regret and resentment, which leads to losing our power, our choices, and our courage to shine – our courage to be the person we want to be and the person we were meant to be.

All that you seek or desire is in you. It’s not in your environment or the help of others; it is not in luck or chance; it is in your self alone.  Trusting yourself and setting intentions will support you in moving forward and living the life you desire.

Eliminating expectations is a process of transformation.  Many times it can be uncomfortable and scary so having support from someone you trust is a must. Sometimes it can be a friend or relative, other times you may need someone more experienced in this field of change and transformation.

Your willingness to take the step of investing in your life is well worth what you will receive.  You will begin to deliberately create and attract the people and things that support the quality of life you want and desire.

“Live the Life Your Soul Intended” –Rhonda Britten – author of Fearless Living. “You are not stuck where you are unless you decide to be” –Wayne W. Dyer.   “Do not fear going forward slowly, fear only to stand still” –Chinese Proverb

I would love to hear your comments on “Eliminating Expectations”.  Please leave a comment in the space below.  If you want to receive my newsletter click on “Unlocking Your Vision Newsletter” – left hand side of this page. You can also watch my short “Inspirational Dolphin Movie” – left hand side of this page – and sign up at the end.

Sending You Love and Courage to be the Person You were Meant to BE!

Joyce Henderson


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Living Fearless

Friday, June 25th, 2010

I love being a coach.  I enjoy supporting and helping clients to succeed in having the life they want through learning to live Fearless.  My road to recovery has helped me to be able to help clients.  Who’s better to teach clients to get to the other side than someone who has done it.

Living Fearless isn’t something you learn over night.  It’s a process.  Depending on where a client is in their life depends on their success.  If a client is truly ready to shift their way of thinking and being they will do the work.  They will be consistent.  Those that maybe aren’t quite there yet will most often resist the homework, new concepts, and the tools and they will continue to allow fear to control their choices and decisions.

The key to recovery is discovering what’s really going on in your life and in your mind.  This awareness will support you in understanding that you create much of the symtoms as a result of your reactions to things around you and your thoughts about those things.

Each thought, whether you perceive it as negative or positive, is an investment that pays immediate dividends.  These dividends are the results of what you think.  If you think negative thoughts (thoughts that don’t feel good to you) then you receive negative results (results you don’t like or want).  This is a sign that fear is in control and leads to feelings of anger, disappointment, stress, anxiety, worry, panic, overwhelm, and oftentimes depression.

If you think positive thoughts (thoughts that feel good to you) you receive positive results (results you like and want, results that feel good).  This is a definite sign that you are living in freedom – Living Fearless – and this leads to feelings of love, peacefulness, acceptance, compassion, contentment, joy, and self confidence that gives you the power to achieve what you want.

So how do you invest wisely and receive positive, feel good, dividends – results?  First, you want to become aware of your thoughts.  Second, know that fear will always come up to try and stop you from making changes.  Third, when this happens, you have to be willing to experience the fear and make the changes anyway.  You have the power to choose your thoughts and align them with good feelings such as love, peace, acceptance, joy, compassion, contentment, and self confidence.

You don’t want to wait until you feel like you’re ready to make these changes or, in most cases, it will never happen.  Only by doing it, the thing you fear, is the only way you will begin to feel like you’re ready and it will become easier and less fearful.  You’ve got to feel the fear, experience the anxiety, the body symptoms, and live through it to know you’re going to get through it.

Sending You Love, Good Health, and Well-Being,

Joyce


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Expectations

Monday, November 3rd, 2008

Many people, including myself, have experienced a strong sense of unconditional love through our encounters with dolphins.  These serene experiences suggest that the dolphins seemingly unconditional love triggers the release of pent-up emotions and deep seated feelings trapped inside of us leaving us with a sense of well-being.    

 

Some healers believe that conditional love (expecting something in return) can create exhaustion and depression of the immune system leading to physical vulnerability; whereas unconditional love (without expectations) is a powerful stimulant to the immune system.  If this is so, it is no wonder dolphins appear to be able to help people recover from depression and other illnesses. 

 

Many of us tend to think we give unconditional love but often it is accompanied with expectations.  We expect things to happen a certain way.  Our family and friends are thrown into the struggle as we expect as much from them as we do from ourselves.  And, when we’ve done all we “should” do, “paid our dues” and “gone the extra mile”, we want guaranteed results and to be treated fairly in return.  Disappointment is always around the corner if things don’t turn out the way we expect. 

 

Expectations that are unspoken, unrealistic and unmet can cause us to make choices that can be harmful to us and to those we love.  When we assume others can read our mind and know what we need, want, or desire we are setting them up for failure and for future blame.   It seems easier to blame others rather than look inside of ourselves for answers.  In truth, we are the only one who is responsible for getting our own needs met.  We want to practice communicating our needs, wants, and desires clearly, otherwise, nobody involved has a clear idea of what went wrong.  We simply feel confused and powerless.  But no one is doing anything to us we are reacting to our own fear. 

 

Our expectations don’t make us wrong or stupid.  They make us human.   In most cases we all just want to be understood, respected, and loved and when we don’t feel that way our fear is triggered, things become confused, and we look to others or things to make us feel better.  When we push that responsibility onto others then we have no control because we’ve given our power away.  We have to be willing to take responsibility for our own feelings, our own choices, and that’s where we have the power to change things. 

 

The good news is that once we begin to identify the expectations that trigger our fear, we will be able to take proactive, self affirming actions to help us get back into our freedom of unconditional love and acceptance of our self and others.  Life is a continuous process of change with challenges at every level of growth.  Fear will always come up, but we’ll get better and better at eliminating the kind of expectations that prevent us from outsmarting and mastering our fear. 

 

As we accept that our expectations are a part of being human and as we accept that the feelings of fear, sadness, anger, self judgment, and disappointment will come up then those feelings become much more workable.  We recognize that those feelings are just like the weather – always changing, coming and going through our lives.  And what they pass through is the vast spaciousness of who we truly are.  As we become aware we are able to accept, and embrace those negative feelings, learn from their message, and then let go of any identification with them.  Thus allowing them to visit us temporarily, move through us, and then let them go. 

 

I send you Love and Blessings, Joyce 

 

I would like to hear your views on expectations and how they affect your life.  

 

  

 

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