You Decide if You Want to be Happy is something that I believed yet was confused by the fact that I allowed my circumstances to constantly get in the way of my being happy? Circumstances that triggered fear; fear of not being lovable, not being good enough, and not being smart enough. As I continued to allow the circumstances of my life to trigger the fear, my happiness became less and less, and unhappiness became my “state of being”. Not because I chose it but because I didn’t understand how to stop it. Fear was in control of my life. In that state of being my feelings lied to me, my thoughts betrayed me as I rationalized and made excuses, and my actions became self destructive.
We all strive for Happiness in life. Like many, I thought that achievements such as material things, money, the perfect marriage, education, family, a certain job, and financial/social status would make me happy, otherwise I must be less than everyone else. Through my own pursuit of happiness I have learned that these achievements have little to do with my happiness or with my value as a person. As I continued to live with my expectations of what happiness should look like it seemed to further escape my mental grasp and became even harder for me to express or define.
Happiness that came from my achievements, possessions, people, or temporary pleasures worked for awhile but eventually their power to deliver happiness faded. The only lasting happiness comes from within each of us. Sounds simple yet not easy to understand or do.
Life does throw us some uncomfortable and sometimes painful circumstances. But as we begin to recognize that in these circumstances our life is continually sprinkled with ample opportunities for discovering happiness. Circumstances provide us with opportunities to recognize how fear controls our life and our choices. With this awareness we can then begin to make better choices to create the happiness that we want. We begin to notice the little things. A laugh, a smile, time with family and friends, time with yourself, giving or receiving a word of encouragement, a compliment, the joy that children, animals, and nature bring to us. These are the treasures that enhance our happiness, not some grand achievement that only give us a lift for a short while.
I’ve learned that focusing on the present, accepting the life I have now, consciously recognizing the things I do have in my life to be grateful for, appreciating brief moments, small miracles, and choosing to recognize and acknowledge my little victories are the keys that move me towards my happiness.
People don’t choose to be unhappy, yet they don’t think they have a choice. I didn’t believe that I picked that state of being, but I did believe that my unhappiness was a result of being wronged, feeling unworthy, less fortunate, and that I didn’t have control over this outcome. I did acknowledge that something did happen to cause the feeling of unhappiness but the issue was that I had a choice in how I responded to what happened. I could decide to stay unhappy or I could decide to accept that something did happen, feel it, allow myself to be in it, then make the decision to move on and allow myself to be happy. I had to make that choice for myself. When I understood that I actually could choose to be happy or unhappy, and that I deserve and have a right to be happy, it began to change my life.
When we are not experiencing happiness, the brilliance of our heart and mind, the essence of who we are is hidden under clouds of negative thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. The concepts and tools that I teach in Fearless Living empowered me, not only in reducing the cloud cover but guided me to understand and embrace my true nature of being happy. Fearless Living helps you to understand the complete freedom you have in choosing happiness and that you deserve nothing less.
We do have the power to control whether we feel happy or not.
Warmly, Joyce
Tags: Achievements, awareness, Excuses, Expectations, Fear, fearless, fearless living, happiness
This is something I struggle with – I get locked into allowing my finances and relationships and job I am doing to influence how happy I feel. I know deep down this is not what makes me happy but I feel it more than I want to
Wanda, thank you for sharing. It is a challenge but remember that awareness is a major part of being able to change. My next article will further support you in this.
Hi Joyce, I like this article a lot. The ideas are in a way not so very new to me. I find it beautiful how you put them into writing. I think, even if I have heard or read about them ( it would be sad if I had not – I am 57 years old already
it is always so necessary to bring them to one’s heart and mind, to get more aware of them daily.
Have a great weekend!, warm regards, Hedi
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