I was thinking to myself today “What would it be like to have everything always go my way”? Can you imagine a life in which everything always goes your way? There are no problems, no money worries, no health concerns – and no difficult people. There is no job insecurity, no traffic jams, and everybody treats you as if you were wonderful. You can eat what you want and remain your desired weight, and you can buy anything you desire and travel anywhere you wish. Wow!
Many of us – and this is unfortunate – long for this state of being. Some people make enough money, save all of their life hoping to retire early so they can have a life that resembles this dream-like situation. Others resort to drugs, alcohol, food, shopping, aggressive behavior, and forms of control to create the illusion that they live a hassle-free life. There are some that come close to having this kind of life, but most of us never do. There is a huge problem if we were to just be handed this dream-like state of being on a silver platter. We would never be challenged and the result would be that we would never grow, we would never learn to connect to our Spiritual Essence (which all of us have), and we would never be fully alive.
Challenges are opportunities to grow and connect to our true self. We all have the inner wisdom that we need to create the life we want, but we don’t know how to connect to it. Each challenge we have provides us with the opportunity to connect to our inner wisdom. Think about it – what do you do when you have a challenge – do you quiet your mind so you can hear your inner wisdom or is your mind full of doubts, fear, frustration, guilt, stress, anxiety, and so you react to those feelings making the situation worse.
Challenges are an essential part of life. They give us opportunities to learn, to adapt, to grow, to connect to our Essential Nature and achieve knowledge and wisdom. Expressing gratitude, instead of fear and regret, for our challenges can help us shift from being overwhelmed and stressed, to being able to feel calm in the storm and find solution.
Of course, dealing with difficult people forces us to feel discomfort, to look within, and then to learn to alleviate the discomfort by acquiring a different perception with positive thoughts, feelings and responses.
Try this exercise. Write down a list of the difficult people in your life – at least 5 or more. Just their names will do. And beside each name, jot down four or five descriptive words as to why this person is difficult for you. Here is one example of what it might look like: ”Greg: Self-centered, controlling, manipulative, untrustworthy.” When the list is finished, go through all of the names and look at the descriptive words for each one. See if there are any that repeat themselves. For example, you might see the word, “controlling” frequently in your list. Recognizing that the word “controlling” is repeated tells you something about yourself. This was an opportunity to learn about you – it isn’t really about the other person.
Ask yourself, “what is it about ‘controlling people’ that triggers you”? Do they make you feel like you’re invisible, do you feel helpless or lacking in some way? Do you feel unworthy, anxious, or angry? How do they make you feel? Being honest with yourself can really help you to understand yourself and what is driving you.
This challenge also gives you the opportunity to recognize where fear controls your life, your relationships, and keeps you limited. Fear keeps you from speaking out and standing up for your self – your own values, beliefs, and ideas – and keeps you from making a choice that feels good to you. When you begin looking at your challenges as opportunities, you will gain awareness, insights, clues, and this will help you to find solutions to solving these challenges. You will then become a healthier, happier you as you practice responding to these “controlling people” in a way that empowers you and can empower them as well – though you may be thinking, “why would I want to empower them?”. That’s for another blog and will take some time to explain.
So, when a difficult person drives you to distraction, stress, and frustration, try thinking about the situation in a different way. Rather than moving into negativity and feeling overwhelmed and helpless by your seemingly inability to deal with the person, just say to yourself, “Thanks for the challenge, I am grateful for this opportunity to learn more about myself.”
Difficult people can’t make you feel sad, inadequate, overwhelmed, or frustrated unless you allow them too?
Until next time, don’t forget, “you are perfect just the way you are”!!
Love, Joyce
joyce@unlockingyourvision.com
